To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
