At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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