Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
50% drunk capacity currently
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
