How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
