why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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