Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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