the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
