I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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