also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize