I am puke
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
