She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
