Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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