So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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