Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize