I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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