Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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