Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
