Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
