Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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