I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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