Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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