She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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