he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We have started to decorate penises.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
