I heard we made out
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Randomize
