im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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