you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
