She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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