Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just want to make out with him forever
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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