It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize