You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
