why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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