best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
birth control should be required to get into college
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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