just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My dick has a subreddit
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
