They should really pass out barf bags in church
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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