While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
