Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
