Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
