were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
