my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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