I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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