you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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