This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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