A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
