I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
