Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize