me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
