I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize