So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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