remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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