Sry I called you an 8
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
