Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
