She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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