toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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