In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
