did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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