Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
