hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
