I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
