Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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