I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
