I just pynch a tree in the face
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
