I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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