I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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