Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
True college students do jello shots in the library
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
