god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
