I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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