he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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