i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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