Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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