she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
