Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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