I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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