I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
