trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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