Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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