I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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