chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
