She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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