i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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