No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
