Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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