my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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