Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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