porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
