Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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