THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
