I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
