she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
