Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
