How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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