you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
