if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize