she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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