took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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