also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
