So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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