She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
BRING THE BAGELS
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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