NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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