My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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